Dad

Dear Dad,

Today, nine years ago, you changed your major area code leaving many people pretty upset including uncle Kizza Besigye who I know would have appreciated your level of loyalty  considering memories of my S.4 vacation driving around Kampala with you as you manually tallied the Reform Agenda's votes at different polling stations:) Just so you know, Uncle K.B. is hassling; what with pepper spray, kicks, blows, gun butt beatings, being shoved under the car seats of police men (who we are all quite convinced are paramilitary- but that's a story for another day), insults, threats to his life...etc...you would have frothed at the mouth seeing how bad things have become for political opponents of the 'Great 1986 Revolutionary'.


Am sorry for putting such a lousy pic of you on the www but you hated pics so it's kinda your fault :)

I cut my hair and decided I would like to keep it that way for the rest of my life...in fact, I am contemplating going completely bald. I know you would have hated it considering your expressed belief that long hair is a woman's crown of glory.

I wear short dresses/ skirts more. I remember you teasing me that if I kept insisting on wearing those catholic inspired long skirts, my legs would become as hairy as an ape's and which man would like that! I will have you know that my legs are hairy -thankfully not as badly as they could have been, thanks to your sage advice :), and I have decided never to shave them lest I have to make that another ritual to be worried about.

I did Law as you had hoped and even endured LDC despite my misgivings/ fears and thanks to the ardent encouragement of a man who I came to think of as a dad-you would have liked him I assure you- he is straight up and down-to-earth :). I ended up leaning towards social justice, a thing I think you would have applauded. Quite frankly, it does not give me the opportunity to rake in the cash - and some days this is frustrating but it allows me to sleep peacefully at night and for now, that is enough.

I have had such lousy luck with men so far :( and sometimes I wonder what your advice to me, in this regard would have been. I remember you saying pointedly once that would cry at my wedding because you would be sad to be 'losing' your great gal. I didn't think much of that remark then and in fact I may have been slightly irritated by its mushiness, but lately, I wonder if I will ever meet a man who thinks of me as highly as you did.

Rodney stuck with Rugby. I am not sure how you would feel about this because as I remember it, you had mixed feelings about the game- cheering him on one day and threatening to have him struck off the school team the next. He was with you that night nine years ago and I tell you, he was brave and resourceful- I don't know if I would have managed to deal with the situation at hand as he did. Also, he changed from that night on- and I must admit some of those changes rubbed me the wrong way for a long time and that took a toll on our relationship, but, I am glad to inform you that we are coming around and I like it :)

Laura went off to the USA for her undergrad (and now Masters) degree. She has turned out really well :). There are number of things about her that remind me of you-most profoundly her mathematics genius, her 'funny' complexion and her passion- when she loves, she does so with a passion, when she dislikes, she does so with a passion too- in the latter case, the Chinese way of doing business exempli gratia :)...She was my soundboard during that time immediately after you moved. She was my friend and my mirror- having me face myself, the worthy and the not so worthy...

Liza turned out interestingly :). You remember how we all used to think of her and treat her like the delicate, vulnerable baby girl? Well, you should see her now. She works with some of the toughest employers to deal with- Chinese- which is ironic considering how Laura feels about them, right :) She loves a man called Paul who I am persuaded you would have liked very much :) She is the most tough talking about life  and pragmatic of your three daughters (believe it or not!) and yet she maintains her bigness of heart and compassion.

Jeremiah is the one I can bet you would not recognize if you did a Rip Van Winkle on us :). He is SO big and mature and handsome and funny and responsible and so not last born like. You would be proud of him. Shortly after you moved and mom was admitted in hospital, he was taken on by uncle Denis and aunt Percy. He dealt with things he shouldn't have at his tender age but he was strong and he was the sunshine in my life and mom's- always cracking jokes and encouraging me to smile despite all that was going on.

And then, there's Mom...sigh...
She was the love of your life. You were the love of her life. To the best of my knowledge, no man has been able to fill your shoes. It can be argued that she has been busy all this time fending for her brood so she has not had time to 'look around' but I doubt this would be reason enough. She is aging beautifully. People are always exclaiming how impossible it is that she is our mother. She still brings you up in conversations- nostalgic but not sad. All those years ago, she adopted and encouraged too, to adopt an attitude of celebration and honour of your life. She refuses to refer to you as 'the late' and admonishes anyone who does. You are and always will be Ben (or daddy) to her.

I think of you often. I wonder, in some situations, 'what would dad do'? I am reminded of the values you upheld while you were with us from time to time. I remember your smile. I can, occasionally, still vividly hear the sound of your bellowing laughter from the last joke I can remember you sharing about the mukiga man who ate the in flight wet towel on his first plane trip :)...that day, you laughed until you had tears rolling down your face :). I still have dreams about you and wake up on such mornings after feeling wistful.

I hope you are happy- considering we, on earth, really have no certainty about what happens when one changes their major area code :)...I hope you can see us, your family, that you watch us...but just in case you don't, I figured sending you a letter on the world wide web would do :). I love you dad.

Sincerely,

Kyampaire.