Mother to Son...beautiful piece

A LETTER TO MY TWO YEAR OLD

September 2, 2011 at 9:12 am

by Pumla Nabachwa

Every year, during the week of my children’s birthdays, i shall write them a letter and keep them in separate boxes and present them with these boxes the day they graduate. (& graduate they will) Today, I write a 2nd letter to my first born son…..now Trey Gateja……My pride…….My joy!

My sunshine,

It’s been 730 days & we’re both still alive………let alone sane. I’m not sure how I haven’t strangled you to death yet or left you out at night hoping that a hawk will grab you & take you far away from me. I’m quite perplexed that am not in a mental hospital, let alone 6 feet under. The doctors promised me that the pain stops immediately after the baby is delivered but nooooooooo…….we’re here today & I’m still pulling my hair out. Somebody once said; “it takes about six weeks to get back to normal after you’ve had a baby”…… that somebody doesn’t know that once you’re a mother, ‘normal’ is history.

You’ve been a nuisance this year. What’s wrong with you and why can’t you sit still when I ask you to? Why are you so violent: hitting & throwing things at people? Beating & pushing the neighbours little girls? And why do u keep running around in circles till you’re dizzy & fall down like a log? Please leave my curtains alone…..why do u keep trying to climb them? Quit opening the water taps and flooding my house. And what the hell did my make-up do to you that you have to steal it and apply it in vast portions to anything that you see? Leave my mascara brush alone…it’s not for the teeth!!!!!! That socket will shock you dear boy; if i were you, I’d stop poking it with knives. And please leave that iron alone…..it burnt you two minutes ago; and the minute before that and the minute before that……It’s decision to burn you when you touch it isn’t going to change so LEAVE IT THE HELL ALONE!!!! Im not sure how Nanny Rose does it but i hope she copes much better that I. And when do you plan to grow up so you can learn to pick up after yourself. I signed up to be ur mom, not ur maid. Plus me is starting to think there’s something terribly wrong with the fact that it’s the gateman who has to help zip up my dresses when im going out……..I REALLY REALLY need you to grow up and help me with that too.

Your terrible two’s started way before u were two. Ur tantrums make me sick. U scream n run around flagging ur arms in the air. Then u throw urself down, stomp ur feet n roll around like a possessed pig!!! Ur so dramatic. My stern threats fall on deaf ears. When i spank u, u hit me right back. So now i decided to ignore you till u calm urself down. U picked the wrong chic to mess with my boy…..i mothered you remember……I’M WATCHING YOU!!!!!!(moving peace-signed fingers back and forth from my eyes to you).  Ask me when u read this to tell you about the time you jumped into the deep end of the swimming pool (during one of your swim-dates with Aunt Grace’s Penny) and a mother who dint even know us jumped in, clothes & all to save you bse I was in the dressing room. I haven’t gathered the strength to write about this experience in detail bse the tears……….they just start to roll. Im ur mother…..ur my sole responsibility and even though I had left u in the care of others, im sorry I wasn’t watching u at the time. The whole ordeal made me realise and respect the strength of a mothers’ love. Only a mom risks her life without any thought to save a young one regardless of whether the child is hers or not.

I have to give you credit though bse u’ve been friendlier this year. The few words u first spoke that made sense were mama, MINE(everything was urs), dirty, shoes, maata, juice, bad, dirty, NO,NO.NO!!  You call ur jajja’s-jajja boy & jajja gal and that drink with a fluffy white head when poured into a glass that jajja boy likes to give you is now called aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh (the sound of satisfaction one makes after sipping a cold drink on a hot day), u call aunt tina-ina, aunt brenda-benda and uncle Ssonko-kojja.

 I’m happy too that I potty trained my son. That was our greatest achievement this year. Now we’re struggling with brushing your teeth. Your fave game was emptying the waste bin, putting it over your head, then turning around in circles and u’d fall down laughing. Just in case u majored in one of those bu course courses where they admit even people with no principal pass like I.T, we can blame it on this point in your life. But seriously, you need to have your head examined. Oh, u really love to dance too. Yeah, while those good moms took their good kids to church, we spent our Sunday mornings dancing in the living room. Another selfish way on my part to keep fit. I do hope ur much better on your feet as you read this bse mehn, right now, ur skills are lacking.

The year is 2011. Need i mention that the president ur most probably serving right now won this year too. Yeah, it’s amazing. (It really isn’t). His 3-time running opponent tried to cause commotion in town with a “walk-to-work” campaign (speak of failing to accept defeat) but his loss, bse they ended up going so far as to amend the constitution to make sure he remains immobile for disturbing the peace. The economy is currently in turmoil. Inflation is up 20%, The US$ is now buying at close to UGX3000, Petrol is way up in the UGX4000 margin, Sugar is scarce & UMEME is back to daily load shedding. Its really crazy but the Govt is doing their best to ensure that they strengthen these macro-economic fundamentals in the near term. (I refuse to bite the hand that feeds me). This was a year of uprisings: people wanted their longest serving presidents out. Egypt & Tunisia were successful but libya’s gadafi hardened.We’re just waiting now for them to pull him by the beard from some pit hole like they did Sadam. People thout the hullaballoo w’d reach Uganda but u know how feeble Ugandans are so yes, Sevo remains. President Obama, the one i told you about last year, captured the notorious terrorist Osama. Oh, & the world was supposed to have ended on May 21st at 6pm this year. Yeah, some lunatic plastered billboards all over the world saying we w’d be judged then. Picture his embarrassment when his predictions didn’t come to pass!!! Actually on this day your Aunts Sue, Tumwine (She gave birth to ur friend Zoe 2days ago) & Asiimwe were home & instead of praying, we were drinking aaaaaaahhhhhhh. At 6.05pm, seeing as none of us in the house was a suitable candidate for any kind of rapture, we just peeked outside to check if you and baby Ria were still outside…when we heard your voices, we toasted another round of aaaaaahhhhhh & continued our day.  Actually, we just checked for baby Ria bse ur not baptized yourself so ur chances were also shady! Oh, and another thing…..the banyarwanda still refuse to vacate our land yet the war ended a long time ago. They think we hate on them bse they’re much prettier than we are but that’s not it. It’s really bse they’re lazy & walk really slowly……I  learnt the hard way when i gave one way to cross the road when I was late for work……..NEVER AGAIN. Otherwise, family achievements; Tina got 24 pts, & shez chosen to follow her brother’s footsteps and study statistics……back then that was really good (anti im comparing this to the 25points u got that landed u a scholarship to go to Princeton university where u graduated). Your jajja gal (finally) defended her papers & graduated with her PhD (this too was really good but then again, im just comparing this to the two PhDs ur planning to have.) Brenda got her first job……..i was so proud of her. And wait for it…… (drumroll)……..i got promoted at work…….twice……yyyaaaaaayyy mom!!!!(This was and still is excellent & i refuse to compare it to anything u will ever achieve……U will not steal my shine…..show-off). Oh and we changed your name to trey from troy…..sthn to do with how the city of troy fell because of a woman, and seeing as you’re only male, i dint want to curse you even further. And we don’t use the Rugamba name too for reasons ur about to read. So now u're just Trey Gateja.

Page breaker: Ur parents aren’t together anymore. Sniff sniff. (Yeah, back to using condoms!) Irreconcilable differences really. It had nothing to do with what i wrote in ur last note about ur bday and stuff…..NO…these differences really were irreconcilable. U had nothing to do with it……Your happiness is pegged on mine. For you to be happy, ur parents have to be happy first & there was no way that was going to be achieved in that house. We’re both much happier apart and we don’t love u any less….maybe even more now. People often called me strong when the final decision came but i refuse to steal your shine for mine were just rays off your strength. U were the sole reason i smiled then. U made me stronger………u still do. Our family and a group of my friends (ur aunts mentioned somewhere in this letter) where and still are there for us. They’ll never know the full weight of what we derived from them just being around but one thing is for sure, we remain forever in their debt. Ur parents might have married the wrong people but from our union came the perfect son so trust me, no regrets there. Ur dad got u every Sunday & public holidays (as if bazungu). He got a job out of the country though so he comes to visit you and takes u away for 4days a month bse thats what his employer can offer him.Plus his family picks you up and takes you for the day on occasional Sundays. The fact that we’ve all accepted & come to terms with our situation makes it so easy. As u know by now, ur dad really is a great guy & dad, and i wont stop saying that hez truly one of the nicest men i know…but you need to understand that people do fall out of love and they shd be allowed to. On a lighter note, Marriage really is just an institution & i know not of any Institution that pple r allowed to stay indefinately. Infact,experience has shown that the higher u go, the shorter the duration. Primary;7yrs, High School;6yrs, Under-grad;3yrs, Post-grad;2yrs, Marriage;????? Actually, now that i think about it, its only the mental ones that keep their people in forever so u really cant blame us. No Gateja, im only joking. Marriage is a beautiful gift & sh’d u decide to go down that road, dont take it lightly. Dont make my failure shy u away from this blessing….have ur own experience;tell ur own story. My only prayer though is that by the time u read this, i never ever re-married! Speak of making the same mistake twice. Hehehe!!! We shifted house but not too far from our old house and its better now bse there are other children in the complex u can play with….so now i don’t have to be pressured into getting u a sibling…..Hopefully it will be just u and me baby……..FOREVER. Imagine u have a little sister now reading this with you & now i have to increase her pocket money so she stops hating me for having ever made such a horrific statement. “I’m so sorry Kezi…..yes, that had better be her name (drat……..i bedded another westerner)…….I dint mean to offend you.” Picture what I have to do tonite to apologise to kezi’s dad……the husband I refuse to divorce bse I really can’t be that woman with multiple divorces in her CV………where do u think we are?……Hollywood!??!!??! Speaking of Hollywood, the name is MOM or MAAMA or MUMMY. Quit calling me Pumla!!!

Oh, while we’re still on the subject, I met someone this year. I’m not sure if he still is in our lives & forgive me if each year I write about someone different but this one, i never want to forget (i hope u’ve accepted by now that these letters are a selfish way of me trying to keep account of my past). Now that ur of age, ask ur aunts Asiimwe, Aseu, Sue, Estie, Tumwine or Asher about the ‘label’ days. Insist on Aunt Sue though; she remembers things. He was one of the very few men I let near you. Many years have passed & much as I highly doubt it, I really do hope u grew to know him. Darn, now kezi’s dad really is going to kill me!!!! (I’m positive that they’re not the same pple)

U make me happy: My boy, the most looked forward part of my day, is coming home. As I drive in, u climb on a stool & peep thru the window grinning, excitedly shouting; “maama…..maama…..maama”. Ur so vain actually. U call me all the time just so u can hear me say ur name back bse each time u say “maama”, u know I’m going to say “yes teja”  so it has become a song to you;…..maama…yes teja…maama…….yes teja…maama….yes teja. I must say though that it’s the most beautiful song.

Tear jerker: I love you my boy, craziness and all. What causes my heart to clench in its chest everyday is my sweetest reality with you. The fact that even when I upset u, it’s still me u turn to for comfort. (Not that u have a choice, im really all u’ve got)  I love that u consider me ur bff. Ur jajja boy used to say “Not all women were meant to be wives, and not all wives were meant to be moms!” and I’m still studying the statement but the one thing I’m sure of is that I was meant to be your mother.  You remain my parents’ only grandchild today so everybody dots on you endlessly. We had better enjoy it while it lasts bse when your aunt Yolisa starts popping those half-cast cousins we all know will be way cuter than you, the attention will die a natural death. Worry not though, bse to me, today & always you are my number one and no one can ever take that away from you. (Kezi, calm down). My baby, words fail me whenever i reach the end of my letters to you because like I said in my last letter, the English vocabulary isn’t extensive enough to convey all these feelings you manage to steer up in me. You melt places in my heart that I dint know existed…….I go to your room on occasion some nights just to watch you sleep. You’re an angelic sight when you’re peaceful beneath the covers. A baby is God’s opinion that life should go on. The moment a child is born, a mother is also born; so I’m forever thankful that your mere existence gives me the grandest name a woman can ever have in any lifetime. I still don’t understand how God intended for childbirth to be a punishment. I think he was so disappointed by Eve’s betrayal, that he mixed up a few things as he was casting us out of Eden(u know what they say: never make decisions when ur still angry). The labor experience might be excruciating but the joy that comes after more than compensates for it. It’s unexplainable…….the joy you bring me I mean. I miss you when you’re not around my child and the clock’s hour hand takes forever to move when I’m not with you. Even if the world ended now, I wdn’t care much bse with you, my dreams have all come true. The strength of your soul is captivating. One day you’ll be one of those great men that stands at a podium & after your speech, people will be nodding their heads & saying: “that is a man of character”. I’m not even sure what that phrase means but I know one day people will say that about you. My sunshine, my days are filled thinking of you……My nights are filled dreaming of you…………My heart belongs to you. You make me aspire to be a better person just so that you may be proud of me. I’m actually on a mission to be the best mom in the Whole Wide World just so you can tell people you have the greatest mom & actually mean it & even go so far to buy me a nice shirt or tea cup that reads “World’s Greatest Mom”.

I love you my sweet 2yr old. Every day with you is more beautiful than the one before. I love snuggling with you on the couch in front of the TV as we watch your fave cartoons right before I put you to bed. I love the way you pretend to listen to me tell you about my day even though we both know you don’t understand a word I am saying. I love the way you hold my shoulder for support as I put on your shoes; sometimes, I keep fidgeting for an extra second or two just so you can hold me a while longer. I love the way your hand feels in mine as we take our weekend walks. I love the way you run ahead of me and always look back to make sure i am chasing you. When you smile, my mind is at peace. When you laugh, my world is alright. The tug at my chest Teja when I think of you…….it’s magical. I love that you love me, and you’re not afraid to show it. You don’t have to be perfect to be perfect for me my angel. I said it before and I’ll say it again….God knew what he was doing when he gave you to me for in you I’ve found a resting place. I hope you know that you can count on me for anything for with my title “mother” comes a silent obligation to take care of and protect my young. Regardless of anything, i choose you Gateja………..I will ALWAYS choose you. Don’t you ever forget that!

I’m not with you today but you’re all I’m thinking about. See you when I get home.

Happy  2nd  birthday my baby

Love always, Kisses……..

Your Mommy P

From a dark-skinned mom to her light skinned son:

1. My biggest guidance to date has been the Serenity prayer. USE IT. “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; Courage to change the things I can; and Wisdom to know the difference.”

2. To be stressed is a decision you make. Decide to be happy.

3. Open your mind. Free your spirit. Don’t allow life to take you too seriously.

P.S.S. - The tattoo of ur name i have inscribed along my right shoulder blade, i got at 5pm today. I miss u lots when i travel. It’s my way of having you with me wherever i go. So unless u have an equally good reason to permanently mark ur body, u don’t want to test my patience boy……..DON’T U EVER DARE!!!!